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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29983356">Rat Hunter</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/skekMal/pseuds/skekMal'>skekMal</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Discworld - Terry Pratchett, Shrek (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:53:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,295</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29983356</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/skekMal/pseuds/skekMal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a green book in the LIbrary of the Unseen University...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Rat Hunter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This has been translated, so it may contain some mistakes in ENG, as translation into other language isn't my strong point.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Reading books at the Unseen University was an extremely muddy thing. And dangerous ... in its way. One could experience (but not only) burnout of both eyeballs, turning into dust, charring, and in extreme cases evaporation and karst. In unusual, but not less numerous cases, it was also possible to be devoured by a monster straight from the depths of hellish dimensions.</p><p>Rincewind didn't obey the orders of the higher mages very faithfully. And although he felt respect for the Archchancellor, it was strange for him to listen to the Quaestor's instructions so suddenly and unexpectedly ... but the Quaestor wanted him, Rincewind, to read a book (as crazy as reading books ever was). He reached the Library almost magically, as his feet were carrying him with an assured way of a lost cause. As in the times when Oktavo guided his steps and saved his life in the most heated moments of his existence. Admittedly, he doubted now that reading a few books would save him from anything (at best, it could have thrust him into someone else's mouth), but as a mage, he had learned to not underestimate magic. As the magic could out of the blue start underestimating him.</p><p>"Uuuk!"</p><p>"Yes, I have a banana," said Rincewind, handing the fruit to the Librarian, who perched on the desk and began to peel it reverently.</p><p>"Uk!"</p><p>"No, it's just a Quaestor."</p><p>"Uuuk!"</p><p>Rincewind nodded in agreement, then went where his gut was driving him. He had already got lost in the Library once and preferred not repeating it. He remembered the other dimensions to which the books led him, the network of roads that could lift him to the highest peaks of magical power or cast him into the role of a slave. It was such an overwhelming feeling that Rincewind was, with mock nonchalance, avoiding books he found particularly suspicious. That meant most of them.</p><p>As he passed a ledge where one volume had flirted with another, a small book caught his attention. And more surprisingly, it was the book his gut was drawing him to. It was in the color of a rotten green, and the title letters had some sort of ... snail tubes? In a different shade of green, as if freshly cut grass. Rincewind picked up the book carefully, not sensing anything particularly magical. He couldn't feel the vibrations mages usually felt when they touched a magical book.</p><p>He opened the book with interest. There was practically nothing but childish pictures drawn by a little girl. Rincewind smiled blissfully. Quaestor wanted to mock him (however bizarre this idea seemed).</p><p>As he set aside the volume with relief, he suddenly felt a strange tremor in his right hand, then in his left hand. He dropped the book to the floor, and a green light sprang from it, blinding him for a moment. As the light dimmed, something ginger jumped out of the volume and exclaimed:</p><p>"Aha! Say goodbye to your miserable life!"</p><p>Rincewind couldn't believe what he saw. On the Library floor stood a ginger cat in a hat with a feather, a belt, BOOTS, and a sword in its paw.</p><p>"Err..."</p><p>"What are you looking at, señor. Stand up for a fight or beg for mercy!"</p><p>"Well ..." Rincewind picked himself up mentally and dared to swallow. "But you're a cat," he observed.</p><p>"What a smart one you are," said the cat, waving his sword. "You could say that you are deliberately insulting me without daring to fight."</p><p>"But you are a cat,"  said Rincewind. "And besides, a cat in leather boots. Are you a being from hellish dimensions?"</p><p>"Wait, amigo? So I'm not in Far Far Away?" the cat stuttered, his fighting spirit diminished. He must have seen all the books that Rincewind was careful to avoid.</p><p>"You're in the Library of Ankh-Morpork Unseen University," Rincewind said, stepping closer but still out of reach of the sword.</p><p>The cat's gaze darkened. It was a being from another dimension but he was not sure if it was a demon? It seemed not very bloodthirsty, as long as you can accuse a cat of not being bloodthirsty, and ginger even more. There was an awkward silence for a moment as the cat and the mage stared at each other with gloomy expressions.</p><p>"If it comforts you, we have exceptionally good milk at the University, and the Archchancellor ..."</p><p>"Please keep quiet, señor," the cat raised its right paw. "The spell threw me out of my world."</p><p>"It would be best if the spell would bring you back to it," suggested Rincewind obediently.</p><p>"And you know someone who could do this difficult task?"</p><p>"Yeah ... er ... and I think he'll be delighted to take your case."</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>"And you say he just jumped out of the little green book?"</p><p>Ponder Stibbons was closely watching and examining the cat. Rincewind was fairly certain that Ponder would have looked into his ears and mouth if the cat hadn't reacted with furious hisses at every touch.</p><p>"It was very small and very green. And it had tubes on the cover."</p><p>"I would have to take a close look at it ... but I think we can send Mr. Cat back in one piece, wherever he came from ..."</p><p>Rincewind, looking all-knowing, handed Ponder the tube book. When the young mage got it, he put his hands up and immediately ran to HEX, where two students and the First Primus were "fixing" it.</p><p>"It works?"</p><p>"Works as hell! Never worked better!"</p><p>Ponder nodded contentedly.</p><p>"So HEX. How to send a cat in leather boots ..."</p><p>"Only in boots, amigo," corrected the cat.</p><p>" ... a cat in boots to his world?"</p><p>+++++ Error of dividing by cucumber +++++</p><p>"Well, he does that all the time ..." Ponder rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Could you give more cheese to the mice?"</p><p>"No cheese. Everything was eaten by the higher-ranking mages."</p><p>"We'll have to go to the kitchen, they always keep more supplies for the Archchancellor. Cat ... in boots. Why are you here?"</p><p>"It's a long story, amigo," said the Cat, "suffice to say, I was sent to Far Far Away through a magic portal with the donkey and the ogre by the haunted wizard Merlin. I must return immediately to overthrow the Prince Charming and put Arthur on the throne!"</p><p>Rincewind tapped his head knowingly, but Ponder was fascinated.</p><p>"Temporal magic! Everything has arms and legs!"</p><p>"But I don't understand," Rincewind complained.</p><p>"When the mage Merlin spoke the spell, you received the transmission and opened the book at the same moment the cat moved to its destination! It's a fairy-tale character! A fairy-tale that is happening in another dimension has made its way into your brain and activated a portal."</p><p>"And what needs to be done for the portal to reopen?" Rincewind doubted.</p><p>"I think it's enough to wait. A spell that takes a cat and ... an ogre ... and a donkey ... to Far Far Away will simply throw them at the right moment at their destination. Unfortunately, it isn't known when this will happen. Time and space have been disrupted."</p><p>"Wait, señor" the cat raised a paw. "So I can get out of here at any time, even now?'</p><p>"But you can also be stuck here for two years," Ponder smiled, excited at the prospect.</p><p>"So what am I supposed to do until then!" the outraged cat exclaimed.</p><p>Rincewind looked at Ponder and Ponder at Rincewind.</p><p>"Well ... the rats are playing ... and the cat is gone."</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p>"Puss, Puss!" Shrek exclaimed. "We made it!"</p><p>"Oh, oh, oh," Puss in Boots let out a long moan, not even noticing that he was inside Donkey's body.</p><p>"Are you okay, Puss?"</p><p>"No. You, too, wouldn't be well if you had been working as a rat hunter in the Great Wahoonie for five years."</p>
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